The night started interestingly enough. Chad and I had known each other for a couple of months, so I decided to invite him to dinner at my house along with a whole bunch of my friends. We had fettuccini alfrado (cheese…hehehe), and a whole bunch of stuff that he really couldn’t eat. I felt bad so I got some veggies for him and a salad. He got there kind of late, and Jay had decided to sit next to me that night.
Jay history: He took me to prom and there was some kissing, and afterwards I felt bad b/c Chad was going to take me to choir banquet the weekend after that. I really liked Chad at the time, so you can understand my dilemma.
So, Chad sat at the other end of the table by Ashley, who never thought too fondly of him. Jennifer apologized that we were eating chicken and all kinds of animal products in front of him. At the time, I didn’t know the whole story behind his “vegan” lifestyle. He made a joke about how we were eating unholy food, and everyone but Ashley understood that he was kidding (at least we believed he was kidding). She started questioning about it and practically called him rude and a bad person for making such comments. I should point out that the moment Chad walked into the house the tension was so high. I was so confused about the two of us and had talked to my close friends about it. They of course wanted things to work out the best for my sake, and Jay…well, you can just imagine the tensions b/t he and Chad.
Chad and I really didn’t talk that much, even though I wanted to so bad. Yes, I really liked him. No guy before had ever shown me that much attention. I sort of didn’t know how to handle it, so the situation got worse b/c of that. Plus he was dating Katherine (sp) at the time, making things more complicated. (Again, I feel so badly about that). We started playing music, and Journey came on. Now this was pretty funny in my eyes. He said, “Wow, Journey didn’t suck for a moment there.” Lesley and Jennifer, who are HUGE Journey fans jumped on him and starting hitting him, kind of like in the same fashion a little sister would try to beat up her big brother. But instead of lightening up the mood, it only made things worse. Jay wasn’t doing too well with Chad either after “trying” to get into conversations between him and Michael (Jennifer’s then b/f). Jay moped.
The straw that broke the camel’s back that night was the conversation Jennifer had with him. “You know, every time you say you like her or call her beautiful, you hurt her.” This was true I must admit, knowing that he and I couldn’t be together, he had a girlfriend, and I’m a sap when it comes to romance or just liking someone. When it came time to watch a movie, he said he had to go because it had been a long day. I knew why he wanted to go. The tension was so think that nigh, even I wanted to leave my own house. I walked up to him and gave him a hug and asked him why he really needed to go, and we walked outside. He apologized for hurting me. It didn’t feel any better. I felt worse. I thought I was really hurting his feelings and I didn’t want him thinking that I liked him any less. I liked him more and more everyday, making it more and more confusing to think about. He’s a drug, ladies, but you know this. He started saying that things were going to end up going well b/t him and Katherine and that he was sticking to whatever plan he had. I gave him a hug, and he left.
I cried that night after talking with Jennifer. It wasn’t the downfall, but it was a huge bump that should have warned me for the future.
This is my last post for the community. I really have nothing more to say. I just wanted to share this story b/c I thought it was important to share. And yes, it is public. I feel like I need it to be that way. It’s a story that I need to tell. My heart has been pounding while writing this, but it has to be done for my sake. You’re all still my friends, so I’ll stay a member of the community, just not a posting member. I’m sorry if I’m letting you down, just I think it’s time for me to let go. A lot about me has changed since that night. I should recognize that myself. I hope you understand, and thank you for giving me this opportunity to vent out what ever I had to say about Chad-daisy.
Don’t be a stranger.